Fart Tennis v2.0

This game is for two players, but you can have a knockout tournament or a league if you wish. Players should come up with a silly name for their entrant e.g. Pete Stinkass or Tim Clenchedbum.

Each match is played over 3 or 5 sets, which are run simultaneously to speed the game along. Players serve first in alternate sets.

Each set consists of a single flatulent rally.

Each rally starts with one player serving, which consists of a producing a fart of any strength. In order to continue the rally, the returning player must riposte with a fart of greater power. The rally continues in this fashion until one player either fails to return, or "follows through". In either eventuality the other player wins the set.

The game is played with a standard 52-card pack of cards.

Nos. 2 - 10 are Fart Power cards which may be used cumulatively, e.g. 8 + 4 = 12.

Jack = Follow Through. If one or more of the cards you play is a Jack, you have soiled your trolleys and you forfeit the set. Not a very useful card.

Queen = Beans. For each Beans card you include with your fart, you get two extra replacement cards.

King = Volley. Automatically returns the opponent's fart (without increasing strength), unless it is an Ace.

Ace = Ace. Including an Ace amongst the cards played prevents the opponent from returning using a Volley card. It also subtracts 3 from the opponent's return (e.g. if you played 10 and Ace, opponent would have to play 14 points to return an 11).

Players start with 5 cards. On each turn they may play any number of cards but only get one replacement (plus two for each Beans card played)

Any player who NMRs will do the minimum fart required to return the "ball" - Aces and Beans cards are not played, and the Volley card is only used if essential.

Example Set:

Pete has K Q 4 5 2

Tim has A J 8 7 6

Pete serves with a gentle guff of 2 and also plays his Beans card hoping for some higher numbers. He now has K 5 4 + 10 3 3.

Tim replies with a 6. He now has A J 8 7 + J (oh dear!)

Pete retorts with a 7 (4+3). He now has K 10 5 3 + 6.

Tim decides his best chance is a big shot now so lets rip with an Aced 15 (A 8 7). He now has J J + K (ooh that was lucky).

Pete cannot use his K (Volley) against the Ace and must submit at least a 19. He does this with 10 + 6 + 3 (which results in a successful 16). He now has K 5 + 9.

Tim uses his Volley card to return the 16 as a 16. He now has J J + 4.

Pete uses his Volley card to send the 16 straight back at Tim, who plays all his cards to lose the set both by failing to return and by following through.

By Richard Smith 1998