Postal Cottaging
0. The scenario is: Nermalton bus station public toilets have, for some time, been the favourite haunt of the town's, shall we say, gentlemen of leisure. Nermalshire Constabulary are, needless to say, not entirely pleased with the situation so have despatched a number of their keenest new recruits to sort it out. unfortunately, they have neglected to introduce the new recruits to each other and, by a freak of probability, have managed to recruit exclusively, shall we say, gentlemen of leisure.
1. This is a game for x players, where x is an even number between 6 and 12-ish. There are x-1 turns. Each turn, players are paired together. Each player plays each other player exactly once in the course of the game.
2. Each turn, a player must play one of the following: (a) Fingers, (b) Tongue. (c) Danglies or (d) Buns, and
| Plays | vs Fingers | vs Tongue | vs Danglies | vs Buns |
| Fingers | 0 | -1 | 3 | 1 |
| Tongue | 0 | 3 | 5 | -5 |
| Danglies | 5 | 8 | -20 | 10 |
| Buns | 0 | -2 | 5 | 0 |
3. When Danglies meet Danglies, a Standoff ensues and the mental torment of the situation means that neither player may play Danglies in the following turn. If this causes him to break rule 4, 5 or 6 then he is fined 20 points for each rule he breaks.
4. At the end of the game. no player may have played any of their options (Fingers. Tongue etc.) more than one time more or less than any other option. (For example, in an eleven turn game, three options must be played three times and one option twice; in a nine turn game. one option must be played three times and the other three options twice.)
5. Each player has a Warrant Card, which must be played exactly once during the game, in combination with the player's normal play. It has the effect of making the opposing player score zero, whatever he played (including Handcuffs). It may not be played in combination with Handcuffs.
6. Each player has a pair of Handcuffs, which must be played exactly once during the game, in combination with the player's normal play. It has the effect of doubling the score of the player who plays them and tripling the score of his opponent (including negative scores). If both players play Handcuffs. both their scores are tripled.
7. If a player attempts to make a play that would make it impossible for him not to break one of rules 4, 5 or 6, the GM will amend his orders and fine him 10 points.
8. The winner is the player with the highest score at the end of the game.
9. If a player NMRs, his play will be determined randomly and he will be fined 10 points.
10. Each player should provide a suitable pseudonym for his character. Press is encouraged.
By David Oya 1997